Brace yourselves… Christmas is coming

To most, the festive season is a time of cheer & celebration – seems that generally ppl are celebrating just for the sake of celebrating.  Whatever the reason, most people will be spending that time either with old friends, making a drunken fool of themselves at the clubs, or having family bonding time (note: with spouse & kids) or simply being with their partners.

There used to be a time that I actually liked Christmas.  It meant a full day of cartoons, presents to open and generally just positive atmosphere everywhere.  I wonder when that wonderful outlook changed.  Right now, Christmas is one of most dreaded days of the year – alongside Valentine’s Day & my birthday.  It’s one of those days that I’m reminded how alone I actually am.  Reading fb status updates & looking at album uploads of people who are having wonderful times while I’m home playing WoW on a semi-empty server is depressing.

Note: Last year was an exception.  Had a wonderful time in Ipoh, Malaysia o(^_^)o

As I get older, my social circle shrinks as friends become pre-occupied with their own families or friends just gradually fade away due to differences in Life journeys.  My chances of finding a life partner decreases as well.  Mhmm… gotta admit that atm I still think I don’t need one – would just be a nice thing to have.  I envy those who have what I don’t.  I envy those who are still in constant contact with school friends (when I mean contact, I mean real contact… not just adding each other on fb).  I envy those with a family of their own.  I envy those who have that special someone.  I envy… etc.  This list will never end, cos I’m not a person who is ever gonna be satisfied.  And that, I don’t view as a flaw.  People who get content with Life and “settle down” just stop evolving.

Gotta admit though, I love the public holiday.  Year end is always a good time for work… cos there’s nothing much to be done & that the holidays are so close to each other!  It’s just the Forever Alone part that is hard to bear.

This is a conversation topic that comes up occasionally between me & a colleague when we go for lunch.  She is in her mid-20s, unattached and is worried that she might end up being “left on the shelf”.  When she grumbles about that to me, I end up at a loss for words.  While I am in the exact same position, I think I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that I might never find the right one.  As mentioned, I don’t even think that’s a bad thing – I am enjoying the freedom I have right now.  The only worrying part is… the future.

Singapore is a country where if you are single, and aren’t a high flyer, you are fcked.  Affordable public housing is only available to those with a “family nucleus”.  If you are single, the only option you have getting a resale flat (at twice the cost of brand new flats) after the age of 35.  Yeah sure, there is the option of private housing but with my current salary, that is unattainable.  I don’t deny that I worry.  I worry that I wouldn’t be able to afford my own place in 4 years time.  I worry that I won’t be able to handle the cost of maintaining a home alone.  I worry about what happens say 50 years down the road I’m unable to take care of myself due to health limitations?  What then?

Granted that having children doesn’t guarantee one a caretaker in the twilight years.  But at least, the odds of having someone to depend on then are higher if you have children vs someone who is single.  Hahah then again, really, I hate children.  I’ll probably never have any even if by some miracle I meet Mr. Right someday.  So that pretty much doesn’t make a difference eh?  Lol ~ only thing is that there is a slight chance that I’ll have someone to spend those old person days if I actually am attached 😛

Ugh, Life really does suck sometimes.

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