Downward Spiral

Note: As this post is gonna be a long one, am breaking it down into slightly more manageable sections for ease of organizing my thoughts. 

Vacation Countdown: 3 days to Sydney

The trip that I’ve been intending to take since a year ago, something that I’ve been planning for months is finally gonna take place in 3 days time and I’m feeling what?  Pre-vacation dread.  Kinda fked up huh?  I should be like totally hyped & excited to go, but instead I’ve got this draggy foreboding feeling that the trip is gonna suck.  Yes, even after all that planning.  Am thinking, perhaps I shouldn’t have planned anything to begin with.  Just get a plane ticket there, pick up some guides upon arrival and decide what to do on the spur of the moment.  Gotta admit that most are self-inflicted torment stemmed from most-likely OCD.  Pre-planning is just unnecessary stress.  Vacations aren’t supposed to be this difficult.  There’s this NEED to have every detail planned to perfection, to the extent of having a timetable.

The best part?  All this stress is probably causing my period to be delayed – it’s already 7 days late.  With my bad luck, it’ll probably hit right before my 8hr flight on a budget airline or even mid-flight.  I can just imagine the joy and convenience I’ll face already. Think uncomfortable sleeping position, noise from other passengers (especially children), boredom and on top of all that… menstrual cramps!  Yay!  Seesh… Aunt Flo should have visited a week ago and left by now as scheduled.  To think I was actually glad when she came early last month, thinking that due to that, this month’s arrival would have been early too.  FML.

Alternate reality no longer a pleasant option

It doesn’t help that my coping technique no longer works.  I used to use WoW as an escape – when I play, I push everything else away… if I don’t think about something, it doesn’t bother me.  So yep, I’ll play till I’m so tired that I’ll just go to bed right after.  Unfortunately right now, I have zilch desire to even logon to play – cos I know that if I logon and see a particular player online, it’ll pretty much ruin my entire evening.  WoW sucks.  Not cos the game sucks, but cos of the people I come into contact with.  Ever disliked someone so much that whenever you see his/her name you get irked and whenever he/she says something, all you can do is roll your eyes?  There is someone like that in my guild right now.  Putting up with that person for 4hrs a week during raid is bad enough.  Yes, there is a /ignore function but that fuckhead is an officer (a decision made by another officer), ignoring him is just gonna create more problems.

Why all that negative feeling?  Well… I never liked that guy since day 1.  He’s a mediocre player who loves to brag about anything & everything.  Obtain exalted in a certain rep?  Brag.  Obtain a certain piece of loot?  Brag.  Do a certain amount of dps in LFG/LFR?  Meter posting + yak yak yak yak yak… and it doesn’t fucking stop!  Omg.  And if that isn’t enough, he goes on and on about wanting to do certain things in game and gets all bitchy when I say no.  Look.  Firstly, I have the right to say No if I don’t wanna do something.  Secondly, I don’t have all the time in the world.  Finally… if you want something so badly, then you go form the darned group, don’t keep asking me to do it ffs.  That shithead doesn’t listen to reason either.

Last Sunday, I called raid early & split the team into 2 groups so that we can gear the tanks with chain-instance runs.  Trust me, if I would have loved to form a group of my own & just select my ‘usual minions’, but that would mean the other group will crash & burn.  So I left it to a /roll.  Unfortunately, annoying guy ended up in my group.  He then suggests that we do achievements at the same time.  I declined cos I wanted the runs to be efficient, no-fuss, so the tank can get as much gear as possible.  Instead of stfu-ing, the goes on and on and on and on about how achievements wouldn’t disrupt the flow of the instance, how it’s just gonna take a while… blah blah.  Anyone who has done achievements will know that most require extra effort to attain – that’s why they care called “achievements”, retard!  So I simply told him I’m not doing it.  Period.  Guess what shithead does?  Shithead decides to go ahead and do stuff anyway, making the instance run slower than it’s supposed to be.  Well… the other group rolled the same random as we did.  In the time we completed ours, they were midway through their second one.  That’s how fucking slow it was.

Totally pissed off, I refused to queue for anything else after.  Tank had to leave for a Sha attempt anyway – something that would benefit tank more.  Shithead then goes on to complain to the other officers that I refused to queue further, I refused to do achievements & I refused to compromise… etc.  Uhmm hello?  In the first place, the objective of doing these heroics was to gear the tank.  If the tank has left the group, why should I continue further?  He also proceeds to whine about how the other group got some achievements done at the course of their heroics.  Pfffttt the other group didn’t even do it intentionally.  And “some” really means ONE achievement + one solo-cheeve that can only be attained by successfully avoiding certain mechanics in fight.

This is on top of him constantly asking to do old-raids for achievements to obtain his drake.  Have told him countless of times that the start of the expansion isn’t a good time to do anything like that cos everyone’s so busy gearing their toons, doing dalies and all.  Shithead argues that the old-raids will only take 2hrs or so.  Yeah rite, 2hrs.  It’s more like 3, and face it, not everyone has that spare 2hrs each day – am already struggling to finish all the dailies before reset at the cost of my other hobbies… and I’m expected to spend another 3hrs doing something that doesn’t benefit me?  Meh, call me selfish, but fuck that shit.  I rather spend those 3hrs sleeping or watching CSI.

Gone with the wind

Once again, it happened.  After getting all hyped up over something, plans just get dissipated.  This time, it’s a 2013 vacation that I’m looking forward to – something that I’ve already started planning for; something that I’ve already started telling people about.  The Mt Fuji Climb 2013 + Tokyo trip.  Though no monetary commitment has been made, it was one hell of a disappointment when my friend said he could no longer go as he lost his job due to a stupid mistake he made.  All that research, all that tentative planning… just poofed.  Looks like plans are similar to pregnancies.  Gotta keep mum about stuff to ensure that it doesn’t get jinxed.

There’s still like 9mths before the next climbing season to find a replacement companion.  Have talked to a couple of friends, things might still go on… but this time, am not gonna keep my anticipation too high.  Yeah… I shld really not speak about it any further until travel tickets are purchased.  Gahhh… I was so looking forward to Goraiko at the summit & visiting FujiQ Highland.  I’m toying with the idea of solo travel too, to ensure that plans don’t go to waste.  I just am unsure how fun it is gonna be with no one to take photographs with & no one to discuss stuff with or even speak to for the entire duration.

I don’t handle disappointment very well… and you can be sure I won’t forget people who disappoint.

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