HAED & some musings

Am pleased with myself.  Have finally taken the plunge and took advantage of the latest HAED 45% off sale.  Purchased 2 HAED charts – Middle Earth Large & Mini The Oracle.  Heh… The Oracle is a relatively new chart, isn’t even on my wishlist… wonder how it fell into my cart 😛

The Oracle

Decided to get them in normal printed format instead of the cheaper pdf option.  Well… it was another US$2+ more per chart for the printed format and there is a shipping cost of US$5.20 to a US address but I reckon it’s worth the extra cost.  Those printed hardcopy charts would make nice keepsakes.  Anyway, I got it shipped to my friend who’s studying in the US instead of shipping it to SG.  Though that means I’ll only see my charts when he comes back in May, idm the wait… it’s not as if I don’t have any projects to do in the meantime!  Shipping to SG was gonna cost more than US$15… way more than what I’m willing to pay for.  Guess I’ll be watching my expenses closely & putting aside $$ each month to my “stitch fund” so that I can kit them up by May for new starts in the second half of 2013!  Now that I think about it, I might as well order fabby online & get it shipped to him as well – might as well make the best of his overseas study period, right? o(^_^)o

Mhmm… I suppose getting things sent to him instead will give me another reason to look forward to him coming back?  It hasn’t even been a month yet, and it already feels like he’s been gone for a really long time.  LDRs really suck.  Plus it doesn’t help that I’ve always been the insecure paranoid type who needs much reassurance.  The geographic distance and 15hr time difference is a huge chasm to bridge.  Right now his school term hasn’t started, so we are still in regular contact & still get the chance to play WoW together.  Pretty sure that will change when school starts next week and I don’t know how I’m gonna react to the lessened contact.  Ahhh fk that… I know how I’ll react.  It’s gonna be negatively & I hope I can rein in my insecurities better.  I just can’t help it sometimes =/

Perhaps it’s baggage from my previous relationships that I’ve been unable to fully shed.  I’ve tried everything I can think of… from taking up new hobbies, to trying to see things from a third person’s point of view, to trying to convince myself that everything’s gonna work out.  I just can’t.  Ugh.  My past relationships haven’t been exactly wonderful.  In fact, most of them ended on a bad note.  Much as I try to deny it, my confidence in relationships has been shattered and I’ve never been able to recover.  Doesn’t help that I see cheaters everywhere.  Yes, everywhere.  People I know (females) have been victims, people I know (coincidentally male) have been the culprits.  I’ve seen how my male acquaintances lie to their gfs, do stuff behind their backs… and every time that happens I tell myself that I’ll never again allow myself to be in that ‘ignorance is bliss’ situation.  As a result I tend to read between lines.  tbh, I don’t know how much of what I speculate is true.  All I know is, I have never been able to trust someone fully again… and that ruins everything.

Meh.  Whatever.  Am hoping that in time, I’ll be able to discard all that baggage & fully move-on.  In the meantime, I’ll just have to distract myself… stay busy for as much as possible, to prevent negative thoughts from creeping into my mind.  LOL I do sound like a horrible person, don’t I?

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