Did I Mess Up?

Bear with me.  This happened yesterday, so in order to remember what transpired as much as possible, I will ramble a little… I need to get my thoughts sorted.

It’s unfortunate, but I got into a (non physical) fight with a friend, and am not feeling too happy about it.  It’s stupid how it started really.  Was supposed to go for a movie in the evening with him, and in the afternoon, he told me that another girl is gonna be coming along.  I don’t know why I did, but I got annoyed.  I told him that I didn’t want be the third wheel, cos that ain’t fun… and when he responded that I wouldn’t even be in consideration, it kinda rubbed me the wrong way, and I reacted the only way I knew how – I retaliated.

To cut a long story short, it ended up with me calling him an ***hole and him being really sarcastic about how I should have fun “flying kite on my own island” since I am being “ballistic and anal” about the people he is hanging out with.  Dafuq really.  I never did complain about the people he hangs out with… I mean, what the heck?  Why would I?  It isn’t as if he’s my son or something.  Ugh.  I know, it’s seems bloody dumb now that I think about it, but I really hate being shoved into a situation and simply told to deal with it – which is what he seems to be doing when he told me that she was gonna be there too.  I just… don’t like surprises.  I would have been fine with it if he had told me from the start… just not spring this sh!t on me.

I am much of an introvert.  I don’t feel comfortable in social situations that I didn’t have time to prepare for.  It doesn’t mean that I’m socially inept.  I think I do quite a fine job of camouflaging generally… but doesn’t mean I enjoy it.  I did try explaining that to him, but guess what, like most others, he doesn’t get it!

/sigh.  I suppose I did contribute to the fight by ‘attacking first’, but really, all I did at the start was just mention that I don’t wanna be the 3rd wheel and that I’d prefer to sit the movie out.  Then buttons got pressed, and I couldn’t keep my emotions in check.  Of cos this isn’t the entire story… save for posting screenshots of the chat log, or typing the entire conversation out, I have no idea how else to illustrate it… so yeah, it’s cool if anyone thinks I’m just stating all these from my point of view – so yeah, it IS from my p.o.v.  :Þ

And people wonder why I’d choose to play video games than go out to “hang out” with “real people” – am not even gonna go into how I resent it when the muggles claim that people met online aren’t real.

Human relationships are unnecessarily complicated cos people are redundantly complicated and unaccepting of anything that is outside the “norm”.

Does everyone have to be cheerful, bubbly and uber friendly ALL THE F**KING TIME?  It’s fine if you are born that way, but I’m not and it is bloody tiring to be putting on that mask too often.

One might ask, why should I put on that facade just to “fit in”?  Well… doesn’t everyone wear masks daily?  Besides… I don’t think I’ll have a very easy time should I not rein in my impatient and cynical nature, oh… and there’s the bluntness that I have –  I tend to speak what I think w/o censorship.  Those are qualities that most people do not appreciate.

Blah… f**k it.


3 responses to “Did I Mess Up?

  1. Great post and points you bring up! If we all walked around with a smile on our face .all.the.time. wouldn’t we just look…well….simple? LOL 🙂

  2. haha we might… but it might save alot of conflict too. maybe? I don’t know.

  3. Pingback: CNY Walk along the Green Corridor | Simple Complexity

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