Injury Woes. Being unable to Run.

I am still unable to run.

It’s been like what… almost 2 mths since I sprained my ankle.  2 mths since I took on the role of Runner 5, for my beloved Abel Township.  2 mths since I hit the pavement to do my thing.

It has been a painful period.  Physically, but mostly emotionally.

Running has become such a huge part of my Life, and being without it left a huge void – a void that the World Cup and Diablo III was able to fill temporarily.  Now that the soccer craze is over, and the D3 phase has faded, I’m feeling empty once again… and that is having an impact on my mood, and affecting other aspects of my Life.

My ankle is recovering though.  While am unable to execute a full range of movement on it, am pretty confident that I should be able to handle a slow short-distance jog sometime soon.  I DID conquer Mt Fuji on it after all.

So what is the problem then?

Well… for reasons unknown, I managed to pick up an injury on my right knee.

It started to hurt on the day I returned from Tokyo, 20 July 2014, and it never stopped hurting since then.  For the past freaking 12 days.  The symptoms resemble that of the dreaded runner’s knee, but I doubt it’s that simple.  There is slight swelling below the kneecap, and it feels as if I hit something really hard (which I don’t remember doing so) causing a huge bruise.  I have absolutely NO IDEA as to what is going on.

I’ll be visiting a polyclinic (government healthcare) tomorrow morning to get it looked at and possibly pick up some painkillers for my Mt Rinjani hike next week (yes, suicide… I know).  Will also be obtaining a referral letter for specialist treatment at a hospital after my return.  Am just keeping my fingers crossed that I will not suffer too much during the hike and that no further permanent damage will be done to it.

When will I be comfortable to run again, I don’t know.

The Race Against Cancer is this Sunday.  15km.  It was supposed to be my ease-in run, towards my half marathon goal.  It will be yet another race that I have registered but not turned up for.

It’s frustrating.  Uber exasperating.  I fluctuate between motivation to see this shit thru’, fear of whether I’ll ever fully recover, and self-pity for if I am no longer a runner… what am I?  What defines me?  I have ditched the gamer mantle a long time ago, and right now, it is starting to feel that I am nothing.

I am so tired.

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